march fifth

nape aku tak kawen lagi? and tiada teman lelaki?
jelas sekali kerana aku gemuk, sangat gemuk, tak de siape yg sudi.
malah orang buta pon pasti tak nak.

jika dsuruh dpaksa kawen, aku maseh tak bersedia.
semua orang berlumba2 untuk mendirikan rumahtangga.
penuh facebook dengan jemputkan kawen.
betul ker? tadika, sekolah, universiti, kerja, kereta & kawen?
perlu ke ikut turutan itu?
facebook, adekah ianya diari kehidupan setiap pemilik account? every second you have to feed the tweet?
cukup meluat melihat setiap nota2 detik2 seorg perempuan mahupon lelaki berkata tentang isteri nya suami nya. GOD! aku tanak kesah. secara reality nya ko tahu la sendiri bila dah berumahtangga in next 10 years! cuba la moderate. humble. we don't really want to know about you, unless someone just like u.

like my family, diorg tak kesahkan aku. sudut hati mereka, aku tau, mereka pon risau aku tidak laku. aku tak pulak minta gemuk mcm anak gajah nih. kalau boleh aku siat2 sahaja lemak nih.

saat nih, aku fikir, aku nekad, once norlin kawen dgn zamri, aku akan jauhkan diri dari dia.
mengape?
aku tanak fikir or kesah once she married, unlike now, she still single just engage aku bole nak hang over or mcm ambil kesah. u know, aku sangat kesah pada kawan rapat.
please im not lesbian.

aku da penat untuk fikir di mana cinta, ade siapa sudi untuk bercinta dengan aku?
aku penah cuba berkaseh, tetapi aku memang tak faham mcmne bercinta tu?
again aku fail sebab aku gemuk. nape la aku dcipta? sebagai bahan ketawa or bagi mata memandang aku dari atas sampai bawah?

i wish im dead. take me away from their eyes.
aku nekad, untuk mejauhkan diri dari norlin, once she married soon.
she must know why.

best friend. does it really means something to me?

1998 sampai 2011 aku masih berkawan dengan seorang perempuan nama Norlin. Dia seorang kawan aku yang boleh aku katakan Kawan Rapat . Tapi adakah dia juga terfikir aku kawan rapatnya? ‘Best Friend’.

Best friend you can call if you really know someone, gone through all the sad and happiness. Does that count now? Let’s start to check…

Tidak pernah terfikir ketika zaman sekolah Norlin ni adalah kawan rapat aku, yang aku ingat, dia seorang pesaing aku dalam apa bidang. Mungkin semenjak umur aku bertambah setiap tahun, bekerja, kehidupan dewasa pon bermula dan aku dapati aku tidak mempunyai ramai kawan. Tidak dapat dinafikan aku sememangnya memilih kawan, tetapi aku tidak menolak kalau ada yang bertanya atau mahukan aku berteman, dan hanya Tuhan tahu apa aku fikirkan ketika itu.

‘Medical Check Up’ Januari 1998 at Hospital Besar Kuala Lumpur. Aku tidak gemar ‘Check Up’, kerana saat itu segala maklumat kesihatan tersenarai, tambahan aku mempunyai lemak-lemak berlebihan. Obesiti, itu kata ringkasnya. Sepanjang pemeriksaan, ada seorang budak perempuan bersama-sama aku. Jadi aku sedekah sedikit senyum yang manis, dibalas yang kelat. Maka, aku terus hilang perasaan untuk bertegur. Kejadian yang paling memalukan, ketika X-Ray. Aku telah memakai baju terbalik, tidak dapat dibayangkan minah tu pasti ketawa besar.

THIS IS SO ODD WRITING IN MALAY!! Change it to Junk Talk.

So, in February 1998, I went to Boarding School. Sangat la panas Dewan Besar ni, Sekolah Menangah Sains Selangor. Aku ditempatkan kelas 1 Budi. Tengah-tengah berbaris, seorang budak perempuan macam aku kenali. ‘Hey awak, awak ni yang saya jumpa dekat Hospital tu kan?’. Dia bagi muka ketat dekat aku, sungguh la budak perempuan ni belagak. Aku tengok name Tag dia, ‘Ye, awak lah, sama dalam gamba nih’. Norlin Abu Bakar. Haha haha… aku ketawa sendirian. Kecik nya dunia. Sejak itu aku berkawan dengan dia, baru la tau bertapa jahiliahnya kami ni. Semua budak-budak kelas Budi berasal dari kampung-kampung, melainkan kami second batch. Kononnya second batch ni dari bandar-bandar. Aku masih ingat, Norlin ni, asek cakap dia dari KJ. Kelana Jaya, ‘ooo, orang KL’. Akan tetapi dari Muar rupanya. Oleh kerana banyak sangat asal usul Norlin ni, aku ada semua nombor telefonnya, Norlin KJ, Norlin Muar, Norlin bla2…. And believe me, she does not really remember those numbers even her house address. She has been to my house, because we were having total fatal water issue, which government put a ration and water cut due to Commonweatlh Sport. From that my mom met her and we became a little bit closer, but I really not sure why she came to my house, indeed her family in KJ. I wonder at time I’m writing this. In term of academic, we were fighting to be the best. Telling you the truth, the first batch student was not that excellent, can say me, Norlin and Dina pretty were smart that time. I was not a good student or nerd. Norlin was the nerd, geek, ‘skema’girl and you can name it, so she became the Prefect. Well she kind of excellent in everything, but I was not. I was super inactively in sport, due to obesitiness, I did not like to get involve with Student Counsel and I just wanted to have fun and skipped the class (Oh My God, why I’ve been built like this?). I kind of envy with her, but time goes by, that was not really matter. About eating matter, I did not like the food and drinks provided throughout the day at school. For the sake of study, I was trying to eat at dining hall even attempt to puke was many times. When I was in lower form, I think all the time I was eating at the canteen which I prefer to buy myself, weekends only food from mom and at night was coming from my home food supplies which much much more edible! But for Norlin, she did not count on that all. Still remember when I was in upper form where my eating desire at dining hall slightly grew, (ahahahaa) I was eating with Norlin. She pretty bit slow in eating manner like enjoying every each bite, she will finish last (not last in a group, but the last person in the hall room) and her finger will grossly full with rice. Anyone would accompany her to eat that long? NOBODY.

When SPM came in, I think that was the time I was became a bit closer to her (come on this is not a lesbian story). That year I was super excellent in Additional Mathematic. I don’t why I was that good, indeed I still good OK. She always asked me how to answer those entire silly Maths question. I can easily answer to everyone. BELAGAKNYEEE. And within that year I became one of Prefect too, which I did not really want it. Being Prefect, what good thing was I can skip class for reasons. Again Norlin still the Prefect, plus she was one of the Student Body, Vice Prefect for Girl. I had to receive and follow her command which commanded by teachers. I did not like any of their orders. You know why? I did not like to wear Blue Blouse. Quite some time Norlin warned me not to wear White Blouse like normal student. I just hate that, being Blue like police? Come on, I like being with bad students, I just want to be normal student but I got power as a Prefect to protect friends and dorm mates. I was only known for Badan Makanan, well, I was the member and the Committee Vise President. Anddddd the President was Zamri Harun, eventually now her fiancée. For entire five years in SMSS, I got conflict, fight, race and battle with Norlin, at the end of each year we will shake and seeking forgiveness. I am a mean person, so I trust her and believed she still my friend whatever I did to her. TRUST.

I kind of her second extend memory card. Want to know why? Norlin is a person who sometime forget thing. I will be her reminder and tell her where things put in, like her Personal Assistant. I am not getting paid for this, I should demand and calculate back dated, huh?Back in studies time, we were separated. Though we got same Matriculation College, I ignored that because I just wanted to stay in MMU, else, I might stuck with her until university life. Anyway, we totally out of sync but still meeting during weekends for fun. For fun was window shopping, eating and talking. We got no money but just want to hang out. Sometime we organized school gathering, we really cannot let our school life gone. After school we were not really seeing each other, only by occasion. But, sometime she rang me just to tell she forgot where she put her purse, it was misplaced. Well I answered it right, it was under the bed. Like always I knew where she put things.

One funny thing happened, Norlin started to stay at her sister house. Our weekend’s hobby window shopping, shop-to-shop, mall-to-mall, I was waiting for her at Central Market Station each time before meeting. She keep on saying she going to take train from Taman Melawati, which I bizarre that her sister willing to send her to train? After two years, I found that she bought ticket to Taman Melati, I was WHATTT???? Actually she stayed with her sister at TAMAN MELATI. After all these two year we were waiting at a faraway place from our house. Gosh, Melati and Melawati is not the same!

MMU life was not enjoyable; I started to meet many people in different color, race, mental, habit and etc. Still nothing can compare to SMSS life.

Penatnya menaip.

I got job after a month rest, meeting new people again, which not much I can hang on. Then Norlin got a job too and she moved to her sister house. From there we hang out more, because she is the only friend near to my place, which is where I can say she became my best friend after all these years, 2010. I can’t really type that much. A lot things happened and let Norlin write it. I’m the school driving teacher, shoppers-friend, navigator and an ear to land.

Basically, she is my best friend. Hope once she married she will never change. Else I do not know, will I going to have new friends?

Wawa really opened up my eyes when she asked me “Akak rase Asu lupakan akak tak bila dah kawen?” … Stumbled and ……a tear dropped without knowing it.

I don’t know. It’s all depends.

END.

now

hey talk to me now.
everyone in amazing race to breed more.
i still calculating money.

hey world.
why my life so uneasy.
when me into some queue.
everyone will suddenly queue in front of me.
hey world.
can you just leave me easily.

hey man.
when you are 30s ur pretty face is now mr ugly.
that skin can't hold longer as it like decaying ugly mud.
hey man.
when you are 40s.
it's like you are having baby inside you forever.
hey man.
i don't really like you.

hey me.
be patient.
hey me.
work hard.
hey me.
it is ok not to have them as long your mom alive and happy.
hey me.
your dad is a generous man,
hey me.
abah loves you.
hey me.
don't let mom sad and worry too much.

hey world.
is there anyone out there is always think, why must everything happen and must me?

wht is the fcuking happened now.!?!@#

i quit, then i join back previous offered from pac-nett. yes. they r really neat to accept me.
mmg itu petunjuk allah. thus, my last date end x-mas. goodbye all.
thanks.

if u can see - what i want most.

neo black / maroon i got it! new neo blue haze
a guy name man for my life keep looking on it
more money new salary
new job with more money ah, they counter me, so i stay with new salary
life towards hapiness i still miss this hapiness where is it?
byk sgt i nak... but top above are all i want never been enough

thanks!

hey!!!

hey at 1.19am,

he called me, bla2, we talk, he used office number, bla2, miss me, i miss u too..
bla2, bla2, actually at first call he was at my house, drive through.

he always do that if me miss me, he will drive to my house.

man, what are you!!

hahahahahaha

picture you me and stress

macam ni nye berasap aku dgn kampeni aku skrg, hangin jeeeeeee......... stressssssssss

walaupon x secatik perempuan ini, mcm tu la stress aku dgn kegawatan ekonomi simpanan aku